happy birthday to me.

it says "19" on my last.fm now. weird.




-hayley

a double helix electric kool-aid ice cube

I like the way you fly.

portishead-strangers








-hayley
p.s. if you put sequins in the ocean does that make them seaquins?

dustings of powder blue waves before they catch the light

sometimes we miss things.




the black ghosts-full moon






-hayley
p.s. let's stargaze at our shoes and shoegaze at the stars.

spending another weekend in the city...

mattles ish angwy
rar rar rar

goodbye new jersey
hello mini vacation
yes I'm from new jersey
yes my vacations mean lots of walking and little sleep
and I wouldn't have it any other way
I'm getting so good at this personal thing.



-hayley
p.s. double bubbles melt all troubles.

I'm so bright I make chrome look like sandpaper

...
(click picture to enlarge)



motivation station.

so I'd like to try and start making this blog thing more personal because I feel like it's gotten to the point where the 2.4 people who read this are on the way to the conclusion that I am either a robot or the overlooked third wheel in somebody's multiple personality disorder. I want to start including more personal (and by personal I mean "real" or something..) things in here...so I'm starting with school stuff yay. here's how I start every english assignment. does it matter though? I have an A.






-hayley

sweet nothings

all of your opinions are wrong

lalalala

hatehatehate





-hayley

little specks of magic

porcupine tree-drawing the line


porcupine tree-the incident

just listen fools!


-hayley

p.s. we should go boating together. in a boat.

let the games resume

I am happy, fresh, and so incredibly free.

and maybe it took doing sambuca shots with drag queens to realize that.



it's ok though because I really know it now.





p.s. I'm not much of a coffee person.

your front porch

...Is my back yard.



and I am going to color all over it.






-hayley









p.s. seeing a good film should be free.

I Found Stairs in my Attic

right-side out but still overturned I can
feel the inside of my outside pulling me back again
and I feel like if I were to ever doubt this thing
it would have been the sundae
to a three star meal's end

I can't understand why we come so far
before we realize how little we came
and it's sort of sweet how it's gotten
so bad but really it's just another shame

but it's all gripping pulling and over exhausting
itself to the point where it's...
and it's all pushing shoving and waiting itself
out to the point where it's...
still it's all reaching swinging and ever so inclined
to end up at the point where it's...
right back to where it all started

how do we turn ourselves inside out when any side we're on feels so wrong?
do the things we're doing come back around again and where do we go
before they're gone?

we've been closed for so long that when we open up I have
to ask 'where did everything go?'
and stand apart looking up to see what will happen oh
well, I guess, we really don't know

oh well, what do we do I...
well, where do we go from...
I...
well oh well I, oh, I don't know

but it's all gripping pulling and over exhausting
itself to the point where it's...
and it's all pushing shoving and waiting itself
out to the point where it's...
still it's all reaching swinging and ever so inclined
to end up at the point where it's...
right back to where it all started

oh well, what do we do I...
well, where do we go from...
I...
well oh well I, oh, I don't know









-hayley

so let them eat (sprinkle-induced and super fat) cake

Fuck.





fucking dammit!



Do you ever have a situation where you have a gut feeling that it's going to just get fucked over but you keep letting it drag on and then it DOES GET FUCKED UP?


...and your just like



fuck.

I could have/should have/did see that coming..


but you didn't do anything about it because you so badly didn't want it to get ruined..


so you sort of didn't let yourself get your hopes up but at the same time tried to ignore the possibility of it getting ruined...




and then it does get ruined.



and it's just...









such a shame.

CRIKEY I could go for some fish n' chips!

So I woke up this morning with My Bloody Valentine's Loomer stuck in my head, which I didn't mind at all being it's such a good song. And sometimes when I have a song stuck in my head (and when I'm bored) I'll go online and look for interesting covers of it. So I did that and check out this little gem i found...



O My Bloody Valentine! You're the only valentine I care about...sigh






-hayley

p.s. let's build a fort out of picnic blankets.

I know it's kind of bitchy but I...

..just want to get a telepathic signal that just automatically tells certain people



"I am NOT available for YOU."










-hayley

p.s. I want salad.

butterscotch toffeenut crumb cake with september on the side

Where did everybody go?
where did they go?
o where did they go?
where did they go?

If I met that undone conduit in your brain
I'd send my piece of mind in a paper plane

but where did they go?

It met me down here on the ground and crashed back up again
Even if it wasn't there to begin with at least we can pretend

where did they go?
where did they go?
o where did they go?
where did they go?

Shaking reason out of mind is like shaking leaves out of trees
they grow back just as fast with just as much ease

and where do they go?

Can I paint a picture that smells like cafe au lait
If I could it might be too real to not throw away

where did they go?
where did they go?
o where did they go?
where did they go?
















-hayley

p.s. i still want a superhero lunchbox.

and the world spins and comes a little bit back again

-hayley





p.s. a couple cups of nyquil don't do the trick anymore.

recycled food for thought

Has anybody else out there ever read a book that they couldn't help but think was about them? Seriously, where it gets to the point where there are so many parallels between that story and your own life that you could start to get paranoid? I'd like to know I'm not the only one out there with this issue.

When I first saw Sarah Dessen's book, Just Listen at a store in Bridgewater it was brand new. They stacked fresh, hardcover copies of it in the very front of the young adult section and I remember looking at it and thinking that I liked the cover. The funny thing is that if I first saw it in stores now I would probably scoff and walk right past it instead. But I think I was about fourteen at the time and I guess girly covers attracted me then. I even remember reading the back cover and thinking about how much I liked the description(which I would also probably scoff at now)...

Annabel Greene is the girl who has everything. At least, that's what she portrays in her modeling shoots. But Annabel's life and her older sister's eating disorder is weighing down the entire family. Isolated and ostracized at school and at home, Annabel retreats into silent acceptance. Then she meets Owen-intense, music-obsessed, and determined to always tell the truth. And with his guidance, Annabel learns to just listen to herself and gains the courage to speak honestly. But will she be able to tell everyone what really happened the night she and Sophie stopped being friends?

For reasons unbeknownst to me, I decided not to buy it that day, instead going home with something probably by Scott Westerfield. A while later I was recommended one of Dessen's earlier pieces, The Truth About Forever, bought it, read it, and liked it. After that, I came across Just Listen again at my local Borders. It was older and now being sold in the much cheaper paperback form and I finally decided to buy it.



The funny thing is that when I first read the book I didn't connect it to myself at all. There are still many things in it that If you knew me and read the book would make you probably ask what the fuck I'm talking about. Unlike Annabel, I am not a model, I don't have three sisters, I don't hate techno, blahblahbleeblah. At the time of first reading Just Listen The truth is, most of the parallels developed overtime, many of them being small but the fact that there are now so many is almost insane to me. I was probably fifteen when I first read that book and had put it on my shelf and mostly forgotten about it since, so it's only recently that I made the connections.

After an (personal) event a couple months ago, I remembered the book and immediately grabbed it off my shelf and read it for the second time. I think I was probably half scared throughout the duration of my second reading while realizing how much my own life had become like it. I decided to read it for a third time during a five hour car ride to Ocean City last week and was once again freaked out. There is this one passage on page 270 that especially irked me. I know it's dumb and lame and cliche and all that cal but it felt like Dessen had stolen my brain from saaay June, cracked it open like an egg, and slapped the yolk of it right into her story...

Just Listen, I believe, was kind of a "look-into-the-future" book for me. I can't fathom now how spooky it would have been if I knew the first time I read it that I was, in a nutshell, reading pieces of my own horoscope. I think I've grown out of most ultra-girly, young adult novels but I'm pretty sure this one is going to stick with me, whether I like it or not. And I realize now that I've probably shared way to much on the interwebbzz with people I don't know and really hate (blehhatechyu) but oh well, I don't really care, this took me a while to write...

I should probably care more





-Hayley


p.s. I need a group of yuppies to acompany me when I don't feel like being around people.

I believe in a thing called believing...

So I went into the city the other day to see Explosions in the Sky play at Ramsey Playfield's summerstage.

and It was pretty damn swell. So here's a little tidbit of the show with EITS playing "Your Hand in Mine" which is probably my favorite song of theirs.









Good music, good location, good friends-We really don't need anything else.

-Hayley

Icebreaker for the Frozen Foods Section

Entertainment for the Braindead-Run!(xiqhhyiecryn remix)


ugh, so good.








-hayley


p.s. anybody wanna stay up and tell stories with me?

Extreme Alliteration

This is me, laughing at you.

Keep gaping and stacking up that cornucopia of snappy remarks you keep, for times like these. Letting it bubble in your brain jelly. You probably keep a whole slew of them tucked behind your ear for rainy days and lucky you it’s blasting fucking Niagara Falls outside.

No no ne no ne no no-I probably won’t stop.

I could laugh at the trees…

The trees outside the bus, despite it being May, are still as naked as dead baby birds. The few that have leaves hang low, sloppy, and mushy. Crack that nutshell: trees aren’t that funny. There’s an old, moss -covered road sign that says "CAUTION: Water on Road during Rain." I'd laugh at the road sign but too many expired vagabond girl scouts have done that lately, leaving it raped of much humor. Actually, the sign’s not covered in moss. It’s new, a bright, shiny, freshly-baked road sign for all the standard 3.14159+ yearly tourists here to sink their teeth into. Actually, there is no such sign. But if there was such a sign I still wouldn’t laugh at it.
I'd laugh at that fat fuck bus driver 89059847348 rows in front of me, but he's fat, and that's not funny.

I can't laugh at the road sign.

I can't laugh at the fat driver.

The only funny thing in this wheel-driven-piss-colored-road-muncher is you. I guess I find hilarity in that. God, I love the way you secrete that cabbage patch head under a dead beanie baby and some sweet Jackie O glasses. Got them rad blips and vizzies falling like cashmere out the sides of your earphones. You probably spent weeks trying to stumble upon such high quality lo-fi. I had a cabbage patch doll just like you, it spat up when you pressed its tummy.
You’ve got on the most cultured thrift-jizzed pair o’ pants I have ever had the pleasure of seeing. I thank you with the tip of my hat for the eyegasm. Pockets pockets everywhere. The right one you have a pocket full of posies. The left one you surely packed with the bossest buds on this side of the rainbow. Montel William’s pharmacist would be smitten to have some of that swept under the table.

Then again, the only talk shows people like you and I acknowledge are downloaded from Kazakhstan.

This bus is canoodling with a traffic light that’s been stuck on red for eleven minutes. Or am I just savagely colorblind and it’s now green and we passed it already? We left the intersection eleven minutes back and fat bus driver is licking his lips at the bakery out his window.

11:11-make a wish fishy fish and blow out the candles before little jimmy shoves his head into the cake and his overly-buoyant noggin is floating on flames.

And (insert personal creature of worship) don’t we all hate mirrors.

Right, that wasn’t a question.



-hayley



p.s. I like the way you dance to my harmonica.

Frozen Soda

dear everybody-

today i started making a list of things i want to do.
here's what i have so far, because you're interested:

1-get a sentimental tattoo
2-live in new york and california
3-couch surf
4-read dante's inferno
5-write a novel
6-go hiking in japan
7-bartend
8-go dancing in salar de uyuni
9-have a biracial baby
10-meet a member of dir en grey
11-have a pet dachshund named bowie
12-win a baking contest
13-acid trip to dynamic symmetry
14-shake steven wilson's hand
15-spend a night ghost hunting
16-lay out on a frozen lake
17-sky dive
18-go on a road trip to montreal
19-have a library in my house
20-crash a new years party
21-work at terminal 5
22-spend a summer in seattle
23-spend a summer in denali
24-have sex in a tree house
25-go to the live taping of a talk show
26-host a rave
27-spend a weekend with michelle in vegas(she told me to write this-and i liked it)
28-befriend a drag queen
29-have a traditional tea party
30-get backstage at a circus
31-create my very own my little pony
32-watch the launch of a space shuttle
33-brew my own beer
34-live somewhere with a room with a great view
35-send a message in a bottle
36-learn what being in love feels like
37-attend oktoberfest in munich
38-learn to play an instrument with an inkling of skill
39-teach someone to read
40-buy a redikilis-expensive pair of jeans
41-learn to love myself
42-celebrate carnival in brazil
43-go to a concert in another country
44-visit the grave of a cultural icon
45-participate in burning man
46-live in a tourist area
47-walk down abbey road
48-visit the pyramids
49-fly first class
50-bury a time capsule
51-take a pole dancing lesson
52-get involved in a protest rally
53-get my fortune told
54-go to the airport and pick a place at random to fly to
55-have edward tricomi cut my hair
56-go on a hot air balloon ride
57-have sex on a pool table
58-have a midnight picnic
59-have my palm read
60-own a vivienne westwood corset
61-be involved in a lock in
62-go to a gay wedding
63-make my own sushi
64-get my nose pierced
65-kiss on a roller coaster
66-find waldo
67-roller skate in a laundromat
68-give my mom the birthday party she deserves
69-have a real relationship with my dad
70-see my brother get married (or at least be happy)
71-create a slang word and have it become overly used




-hayley



p.s. come down on the street and dance with me*

why yes, i can lick my elbow.

god, it feels so nice
to breathe
oh, it feels so nice
oh my god it feels
so nice to see and hear
it feels
it feels so
nice



-hayley






p.s. let's lay in the grass and listen to cellist together.

A Shirt That Washes Itself!?

dear everyone-

i wrote a poem

i'm sick of my house
the doors are too small
goddammit

-hayley


p.s. there is no p.s.

It's amazing the things that Vasaline can do.

So there was a boy cat and a girl cat and both were rather stubborn…

About five miles from Denali, Alaska there is a dusty town with a small airfield stark in the center of it. The name of the town isn’t all that important but what is, is that on either side of the airfield are two identical fences that block off some kind of children’s’ playground. Each night, as the sky turns to the color of pink lemonade, the boy cat creeps on over to the west fence and the girl cat creeps on over to the east fence. They sit on the fences with the other cats all night and call to each other back and forth across the airfield. It’s early summer, which is prime spotting season for Alaskan grizzlies but the cats get lucky with the sound of planes taking off being enough to scare the grizzlies and the even more dangerous moose away. Because of this, both the boy cat and the girl cat feel comfortable enough to call to each other far longer into the night and early morning than all of the other cats and often find themselves being the last ones up. Neither minds being the only one left on their side to watch the continuous lifting off and landing of planes.

The boy cat likes the girl cat.

The girl cat likes the boy cat.

All of the other cats continue to let the boy cat and girl cat be the last ones up because they know what’s going on. The westside cats try and coax the boy to make a move and walk over to the east fence, as do the eastside cats with the girl cat. And each and every night, as if by clockwork, the boy cat declines, as does the girl cat.

The boy cat is too stubborn and passive.

The girl cat is too stubborn and shy.

However, each and every night the westside cats and the eastside cats persist. They know that the boy cat and the girl cat are perfect for each other. They also know that the boy cat and the girl cat know that they know that they know that they’re perfect for each other.

The Boy cat likes watching Entourage and listening to Duran Duran.

The girl cat likes watching Entourage and listening to Duran Duran.

Finally, one day, the westside cats have a fit and push the boy cat far enough across the side of the airfield for the eastside cats to see him. Of course, the eastside cats do see him and decide to do the same to the girl cat. Both sides yell and usher the boy cat and girl cat to make a move and walk over. Finally, they give up and do as asked.

The boy cat walks to the girl cat.

The girl cat walks to the boy cat.

Eventually, it gets to the point where the cats find themselves directly in front of the other. If either were to make a move, just one half-step, there nose would be touching the other’s. The sound of a small piper craft can be heard taking off in the distance as they inhale and exhale each other’s breath. Eventually, the boy cat takes a step and the girl cat takes a step.

The boy cat walks past the girl cat.

The girl cat walks past the boy cat.

Neither the boy cat nor the girl cat ever makes any kind of move towards the other ever again because of their stubbornness. In a fantasy, the two would do something along the lines of giving in and running off into the sunrise licking each other's ears. However, this will be kept a bit real and left at a dead end.

Stream of [Conscious] Dream

learn to listen well-
you can start by listening to that awesome-sauceome widget i made for the sidebar.
-hayley



p.s. help me make a pair of paper wings.

If Andy Warhol's Ultrasound Tech Can do it, Then so Can I

Dear Everybody and their mtv-induced itunes library-

if you were a puppet, what kind would you be?
would you try go and sport your über hardcore hanging-from-strings-watch-me-go masochism à la Criss Angel?
would you be one of those indolence-steaped bastards that gets stuck to a popsicle stick?
or do you just like it up the ass?

it's a rhetorical question, please go back to your cultured little groundhog hole.

-Hayley





p.s. let's throw paper airplanes in the burger king drive-thru. that's right, i didn't capitalize "burger king," yeah, i disrespected you burger not-so-kings.

NJ Sanitation Dept. Regeneration Plan for Nonrenewable Resources

Breathe in
let it go back up again
an elevator in the sky
i can see
through your skin
blended morning colour schemes
breathe out
everything's left in the lungs

-Hayley






p.s. Sweet dreams.

A Night at 80s Pog Bingo!

Dear Everybody-

I like egg foo young yes I do
I like egg foo young
how 'bout you?

-Hayley


p.s. I hate ska.

Feminist Majority Foundation Gets First Male President

Dear everybody-



Because Vince is right horrorshow and the little fat fucks of the blogsphere need another reason to waste several more minutes in a chair eating betty crocker cake mix (you lazy bitch go bake the damn thing).
One more step towards not fitting through the food court's double doors.
Cheers to you and mr. pac man.

-Hayley

p.s. Let's fill up my sink with soap water and go bobbing for lives.

Operation Elvis Resurrection

Fuck everyone
fuck all you stupid little crackafinny bitch kicks
fuck you for dodging your mom's coat hanger
fuck it
sideways

yep

I don't really know-that's just how I woke up today so hella i care to fix it. It doesn't help that I just saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall the other day and have had that stupid "Inside of You" song that Russel Brand sings stuck in my head for days now.

Fuck you Russel
please go fuck yourself
please please go suck your little Japanese schoolgirl cock for me
lemme know how it is
send me a postcard







hawt!!!!!!!!1!!11!!!!!1111!!

-Hayley


p.s. let's all go on a trip to the a&p together and get some tea bags.

A Baby Ate my Dingo

Dear everybody and their mom's bastard child-




Because I thought you should know.
All you rad physics moguls.
-Hayley


P.S. I'm lonely, someone come cuddle me.

So I think I'm a Sex Addict.

I've been feeling lovable lately and decided to make a list of all the things that I love right now:

1-Tropicana Tropical Punch
2-The guy at Borders Express that always tries to get you to buy Lindt Truffles with your books.
3-My big green scarf that's been getting big green fuzzies all over everything.
4-Pictures of teapots
5-This guy:




6-Waking up at 4am and falling back to sleep.
7-Waking up at 4am and sipping the juice I keep by my bed before falling back to sleep.
8-Lizard men

-Hayley

Small Inuit Child For Sale

Dear everybody-

This is my blog just so you know,
so just so you know this is my blog.

-Hayley


p.s. yep