Icebreaker for the Frozen Foods Section

Entertainment for the Braindead-Run!(xiqhhyiecryn remix)


ugh, so good.








-hayley


p.s. anybody wanna stay up and tell stories with me?

Extreme Alliteration

This is me, laughing at you.

Keep gaping and stacking up that cornucopia of snappy remarks you keep, for times like these. Letting it bubble in your brain jelly. You probably keep a whole slew of them tucked behind your ear for rainy days and lucky you it’s blasting fucking Niagara Falls outside.

No no ne no ne no no-I probably won’t stop.

I could laugh at the trees…

The trees outside the bus, despite it being May, are still as naked as dead baby birds. The few that have leaves hang low, sloppy, and mushy. Crack that nutshell: trees aren’t that funny. There’s an old, moss -covered road sign that says "CAUTION: Water on Road during Rain." I'd laugh at the road sign but too many expired vagabond girl scouts have done that lately, leaving it raped of much humor. Actually, the sign’s not covered in moss. It’s new, a bright, shiny, freshly-baked road sign for all the standard 3.14159+ yearly tourists here to sink their teeth into. Actually, there is no such sign. But if there was such a sign I still wouldn’t laugh at it.
I'd laugh at that fat fuck bus driver 89059847348 rows in front of me, but he's fat, and that's not funny.

I can't laugh at the road sign.

I can't laugh at the fat driver.

The only funny thing in this wheel-driven-piss-colored-road-muncher is you. I guess I find hilarity in that. God, I love the way you secrete that cabbage patch head under a dead beanie baby and some sweet Jackie O glasses. Got them rad blips and vizzies falling like cashmere out the sides of your earphones. You probably spent weeks trying to stumble upon such high quality lo-fi. I had a cabbage patch doll just like you, it spat up when you pressed its tummy.
You’ve got on the most cultured thrift-jizzed pair o’ pants I have ever had the pleasure of seeing. I thank you with the tip of my hat for the eyegasm. Pockets pockets everywhere. The right one you have a pocket full of posies. The left one you surely packed with the bossest buds on this side of the rainbow. Montel William’s pharmacist would be smitten to have some of that swept under the table.

Then again, the only talk shows people like you and I acknowledge are downloaded from Kazakhstan.

This bus is canoodling with a traffic light that’s been stuck on red for eleven minutes. Or am I just savagely colorblind and it’s now green and we passed it already? We left the intersection eleven minutes back and fat bus driver is licking his lips at the bakery out his window.

11:11-make a wish fishy fish and blow out the candles before little jimmy shoves his head into the cake and his overly-buoyant noggin is floating on flames.

And (insert personal creature of worship) don’t we all hate mirrors.

Right, that wasn’t a question.



-hayley



p.s. I like the way you dance to my harmonica.

Frozen Soda

dear everybody-

today i started making a list of things i want to do.
here's what i have so far, because you're interested:

1-get a sentimental tattoo
2-live in new york and california
3-couch surf
4-read dante's inferno
5-write a novel
6-go hiking in japan
7-bartend
8-go dancing in salar de uyuni
9-have a biracial baby
10-meet a member of dir en grey
11-have a pet dachshund named bowie
12-win a baking contest
13-acid trip to dynamic symmetry
14-shake steven wilson's hand
15-spend a night ghost hunting
16-lay out on a frozen lake
17-sky dive
18-go on a road trip to montreal
19-have a library in my house
20-crash a new years party
21-work at terminal 5
22-spend a summer in seattle
23-spend a summer in denali
24-have sex in a tree house
25-go to the live taping of a talk show
26-host a rave
27-spend a weekend with michelle in vegas(she told me to write this-and i liked it)
28-befriend a drag queen
29-have a traditional tea party
30-get backstage at a circus
31-create my very own my little pony
32-watch the launch of a space shuttle
33-brew my own beer
34-live somewhere with a room with a great view
35-send a message in a bottle
36-learn what being in love feels like
37-attend oktoberfest in munich
38-learn to play an instrument with an inkling of skill
39-teach someone to read
40-buy a redikilis-expensive pair of jeans
41-learn to love myself
42-celebrate carnival in brazil
43-go to a concert in another country
44-visit the grave of a cultural icon
45-participate in burning man
46-live in a tourist area
47-walk down abbey road
48-visit the pyramids
49-fly first class
50-bury a time capsule
51-take a pole dancing lesson
52-get involved in a protest rally
53-get my fortune told
54-go to the airport and pick a place at random to fly to
55-have edward tricomi cut my hair
56-go on a hot air balloon ride
57-have sex on a pool table
58-have a midnight picnic
59-have my palm read
60-own a vivienne westwood corset
61-be involved in a lock in
62-go to a gay wedding
63-make my own sushi
64-get my nose pierced
65-kiss on a roller coaster
66-find waldo
67-roller skate in a laundromat
68-give my mom the birthday party she deserves
69-have a real relationship with my dad
70-see my brother get married (or at least be happy)
71-create a slang word and have it become overly used




-hayley



p.s. come down on the street and dance with me*

why yes, i can lick my elbow.

god, it feels so nice
to breathe
oh, it feels so nice
oh my god it feels
so nice to see and hear
it feels
it feels so
nice



-hayley






p.s. let's lay in the grass and listen to cellist together.